Satan Will Repent First

One of the two reasons I continue to maintain my LinkedIn account is because it has helped me land my current and previous two jobs. The other is for the humor in the editorializing. Although woke as a hungry baby at 2:00 in the morning, one can never say that LinkedIn’s cadre of contributing writers doesn’t do wonders for the laugh muscles.

The latest addition to the Guffaw Department, and a crossover into fantasy literature territory, is this article suggesting that sabbaticals become a regular feature of 21st Century work culture in order to prevent “burnout.” Uh huh. And Russians will collectively stop drinking. The French will become pro-American. Joe Biden will grow a functioning brain, pigs will sprout wings and fly, and the grand finale of them all, the title of this post, will make the Return of Our Lord unnecessary.

Look, I think sabbaticals are a wunderbar idea, and I certainly can see the need for at least one over the course of a high-stress career (i.e., almost ANY career in today’s American workplace). But this is yet another example of intellectual crayoning by cocooned idealists who have either never dealt with the real work world, or who work in jobs/careers that are non-profit or public sector. They also seem to have this bizarre notion that employers consider their employees to be valuable assets rather than fungible units of overhead that are necessary evils. Time and time again I’ve felt the urge to ask these people “what and where is this company you work for that’s so wonderful, that considers you a valuable contributor rather than a disposable serf? How come the existence of this place isn’t so renowned that there is a decades-long waiting list for new hires? How come they’re not making their employees pay for the privilege of working there?”

As with so much else about Corporate America today, I detect a strong aroma of alfalfa-laced methane. Such descriptions of “dream companies” usually originate from new hires who haven’t been in the workforce long enough to know better, or from recruiters who are paid to lie about their client/employer in hopes of roping in the gullible marks to man the galley oars. Anyone who has been in the workforce for a decade or more recognizes bovine excrement when they smell it, and the idea that American employers see their employees as uniquely valuable to the point that they would give them several unpaid months off and then welcome them back as long lost family members is enough for a whole stockyard. If there is one thing that American businesses do NOT care one wit about, it is the wellbeing (any kind) of their employees. What little concern they do show is only because it is mandated by current labor law. Even when it’s not true (the current post-scamdemic “labor shortage” being an example), employers are dogmatic in their belief that you can be easily replaced, even if you are highly and uniquely skilled, knowledgeable, experienced, and a key contributor to the company’s success. The idea that the concept of “sabbatical for employees” plays any role whatsoever in that mindset is akin to believing that birthday parties were a part of life at Tuol Sleng.

I didn’t bother to point any of this out to the credulous lemmings on LinkedIn, as it would have been immediately labeled “badthink” and would have resulted in an account suspension. It’s also a waste of effort, if you’re familiar with the sort of people who editorialize and opine on LinkedIn. But if you’re lucky enough to have found work at a “unicorn company” that will let you go Eat, Pray, Whatever when you burn out (or once the euphorium and hopium wear off and you see that they’re as much a soup sandwich as every other business), good for you. As for the rest of us who’ve been working long enough to know that some things about working in America will NEVER change, all we can say is “Oh, isn’t that ADORABLE?”

Published by feeriker

Just an ordinary, flawed man grateful for the redemptive blood of Jesus who struggles to extend the forgiveness and understanding to others with which he has been blessed.

3 thoughts on “Satan Will Repent First

  1. 1) The sabbatical is something only people like tenured professors at universities do, and maybe people in full time paid clerical pulpit ministries. The only reason they get to do those things are that no one really truly needs these people to do their jobs. Someone else will take over the prof’s class load; and someone else will come in and minister to the flock. (It’s not that hard.)

    2) It isn’t just heartless employers – it really is that most company’s employees are necessary to their employers. Think about it, fee: Who else at your employer can do your job without significant “ramp up” time? Who else can really get up to speed to do your job without things really breaking down for a couple of weeks and some pain to the bottom line?

    We need every swinging d**k we can get here. We can’t afford for them to take time off. When I got sick and had to take a month off, people were nice about it, but they needed me back here, and were coming at me going “when are you going to be recovered and back here?” Because other people had to cover for me and basically nothing was happening with my workload. It had to sit there while someone else did a little bit of stuff but not much.

    That’s what I think about why sabbaticals are not a thing. Same with siestas (in Mexico) and tea time (in the UK). Sh_t needs to get done, and we don’t have time for you people to take naps or drink Chai.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. That’s exactly why the tone of this post is so sarcastic. Only people who don’t understand the nature of work in the competitive private sector would clueless enough to suggest something as ridiculous as a sabbatical applying to such a work environment. Like I said, I like the idea, but there’s just no way in heaven, earth, or hell that it will ever be tenable for any job other than non-profit – or jobs, as you point out, in which the employee is “non-essential” (in which case I feel compelled to ask: why would any “non-essential” and thus almost certainly underworked employee even NEED a sabbatical?).

      Like

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