I Got Your “Holiday Recipes” Right Here

In an insultingly lame attempt to introduce a “festive” atmosphere to a senior residential facility that is on full COVID lockdown (gosh, how amazingly coincidental that these things ALWAYS are imposed around major holidays /SARC), the residential facility in which my nonagenarian mother has been a resident since moving here from Commiefornia earlier this year (not for much longer, as my wife and I are bringing her back home to live with us after the New Year) sent out a newsletter last week in which they are soliciting “family holiday recipes” from family members of the residents and will hold a contest internally to see which ones they will put on the menu for the residents.

Under more pleasant circumstances I would have been happy to oblige in a serious vein, but given how they’re treating the residents more like prisoners than paying customers, I’m in the mood to have some fun at the staff’s expense. I bounced the following “old family recipes” off of Mom, who, thankfully recognized their satirical nature before declining to pass them on to the kitchen staff. A pity, because I would really have loved to see if they were stupid and/our cruel enough to prepare and serve them.

Grandma Beulah’s Famous Peach Pit Pie

A big favorite, especially in the Summer months. Uses a most under-appreciated, but delicious part of the peach!
Ingredients:

• Two pounds of peach pits (any variety) boiled, then soaked in peach or lemon juice and sugar for 72 hours to soften
• 2 cups of brown sugar
• 1/2 cup of white cane sugar
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1 cup of Peach Schnapps
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract (optional)
• 1 package of two frozen pie crusts, thawed (or make your own using a standard pie crust recipe)
• 1/2 cup of melted butter
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese for topping (optional)

PREPARATION INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Pre-heat oven to 400°F/200°C
2. In a large bowl combine the pre-soaked peach pits, brown sugar, cane sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, Peach Schnapps, and vanilla extract. Sir until ingredients are well mixed.
3. Pour peach pit mixture into a prepared, thawed pie crust, smoothing the mixture until it’s even with the edge of the pie pan.
4. Cover with the second thawed, prepared pie crust. Crimp crust edges with a fork and use a paring knife to trim crust edge and cut slits in the top crust to ventilate.
5. Brush top crust of pie with melted butter.
6. Bake for one hour, or until crust is golden brown. Pie is done when a toothpick can be inserted into the crust and clear through the peach pits.
7. Remove from oven and top with shredded cheddar cheese, if desired.
8. Let cool, then slice and serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.

Aunt Opal’s Zesty Sushi Jello Mold

We never could figure out where Aunt Opal got this one from, because she sure wasn’t Japanese! She never would tell us, and we eventually figured it was just some way she came up with for using Grandma’s jello molds for something other than fruit, peas, and sauerkraut. It’s definitely an acquired taste (and we acquired it, alright, because one of Aunt Opal’s favorite lines was “you’ll ‘acquire’ a taste for whatever I put in front of you, or you’ll go hungry!”), but once you DO acquire it, you won’t be able to get enough of it! Makes a great Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday appetizer if you’re in the mood to relive memories of Grandma’s holiday jello molds all those many, many years ago!

INGREDIENTS:

• 4 packages of Knox (or other brand) unflavored gelatin
• 1/3 cup of pickled ginger
• 3 tsp wasabi paste or wasabi powder
• 6 square 8″ x 8″ sheets of dried Nori (Japanese seaweed used for Sushi wrapping), soaked until softened to a spinach-like consistency

At least 2 pounds/1 kilo of raw or pickled seafood of your choice. Recommended are shredded crab, ahi (yellowtail tuna), unagi (smoked eel), raw jumbo shrimp (shelled, de-veined, and tails removed, sea cucumber, salmon, and mackerel

PREPARATION INSTRUCTIONS:

1. In a blender or food processor liquify together the pickled ginger, wasabi, and Nori. Set aside.
2. Dissolve the jello in boiling water per package instructions. As it begins to cool add the blended mixture, then the seafood. Combine thoroughly.
3. Pour jello mixture into a jello mold, trifle bowl, Bundt pan, or oblong Pyrex dish.
4. Chill for at least four hours or until cold and firm.
5. Serve with extra wasabi and pickled ginger if desired.

Grandma Mamie’s “Waste Not, Want Not” Mashed Potato Pancakes With Turkey Gravy

This is it – this is the breakfast that the whole family looked forward to every year on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and on those Boxing Day mornings when we had turkey for Christmas dinner the night before. As its name implies, this was Grandma Mamie’s idea, and I’m really surprised no one else’s grandma ever thought of it. As Grandma always said, “since you’re going to get sick and tired of Thanksgiving leftovers before the weekend is over, let’s get rid of some of them right now for breakfast. At least you’ll be full for the rest of the day.” What a genius she was! I hope she’s been promoted to Heaven’s chief cook!

INGREDIENTS:
For the pancakes:

• 1 lb leftover cold mashed potatoes
• 2 cups of all-purpose flour
• 4 cups of water or non-fat milk
• 2 and 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1 egg
• extra salt and pepper to taste, if desired

For the gravy:

• 1 qt poultry stock, or water flavored with chicken bouillon
• 1 tsp poultry seasoning
• 1 cup of all-purpose flour
• at least 1 lb skinless, cubed leftover turkey, white or dark meat, as desired, and giblets if desired

PREPARATION INSTRUCTIONS:

For the gravy:

1. Bring the poultry stock or water to a boil.
2. Add the poultry seasoning and stir in with a wire whisk to blend.
3. Slowly add in the flour and stir constantly with the whisk until the gravy starts to thicken and the mixture is smooth, removing lumps.
4. Add in the turkey meat, continuing to stir the gravy to smooth and mix the meat into the sauce thoroughly.

Add additional liquid if necessary for desired consistency, then cover, reduce heat to low, and let simmer.

1. For the pancakes:
   Combine mashed potatoes, flour, milk or water, baking powder, baking soda, egg, salt, and pepper in a bowl. Stir until blended and the batter mixture is light, fluffy, and airy, adding extra liquid if needed.
2. Heat a teflon non-stick skillet or electric griddle and coat with cooking spray.
3. Spoon batter into pan or griddle and cook until edge of pancake is light golden brown, approximately 1 and 1/2 to 2 minutes. With a spatula flip the pancake over and repeat for the other side.
4. Repeat until all batter is used. Number of pancakes yielded depends on the size of cakes made.
5. Keep pancakes warm in a pre-heated oven or toaster oven until ready to serve.
6. Serve pancakes topped with turkey gravy.

Uncle Pete’s “Buckshot” Cheddar Cheese Chocolate Jalapeño Cornbread

I know, I know; “WTH?!” is right, and that’s probably what the family should have named this. We’re sure that Uncle Pete came up with this while he was blind drunk, which is how he spent most of his time (Aunt Opal played no small role in that, but that’s for another book). Anyway, when Uncle Pete first whipped this up we thought it was something sweet because of the chocolate, but it turns out that that was an accident, as was the “buckshot” (a.k.a. candy pearls, or “BB’s”, as they’re known colloquially, the kind you see on cookies and cupcakes). Apparently, while stumbling around the kitchen drunk, Uncle Pete managed to knock open a kitchen cupboard door and then knock over both a box of baking chocolate powder and a little jar of BB’s, both of which spilled into the mixing bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Apparently too drunk to either notice or care, he just went on preparing everything. The result was … well, “interesting,” to say the least. Reconciling the chocolate flavor with the cheddar cheese flavor was a challenge, but the chocolate and jalapeno flavors actually make for an unexpectedly nice contrast. The crunchiness of the “buckshot” was also a little off-putting at first, but then we all decided that it added “character” that most cornbread lacks. So we decided that we had a winner, that something positive could actually come out of Uncle Pete’s drinking after all! So here it is, without further ado. Enjoy (but watch out for the “buckshot” if you have bad teeth)!

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 6 oz. boxes of Jiffy Cornbread mix (you can use cornmeal, white flour, baking soda, salt, sugar, and baking powder to make cornbread flour from scratch if you want to, but let’s make this easy here. Uncle Pete did it the lazy way, so let’s follow his lead)
• 2 large eggs
• 2 cups of cold milk
• ½ cup of melted butter
• 3 chopped whole fresh jalapeño peppers, or one 5 oz. can of chopped jalapeno peppers
• ¾ cup of grated cheddar cheese
• ¼ cup of semi-sweet chocolate baking powder
• 1 Tbs of silver candy pearls (BB’s)

PREPARATION INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 400°F/200°C.
2. In a large mixing bowl combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly to form a smooth batter.
3. Pour batter into a greased cast-iron skillet or baking pan.
4. Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until edges of bread are light brown and a toothpick inserted into the cornbread comes away clean.
5. Remove from oven and spread additional butter on top, if desired.
6. Let cool before cutting and serving.

A Christmas Free Of Materialism

If there’s one very bright and beautiful silver lining to the dark cloud of COVIDIOCY-aggravated economic depression in which we currently find ourselves, it’s that more people than ever no longer have money to waste on crap that nobody wants or needs. May this year’s non-materialistic Christmas open some hearts and eyes to what Christmas is really all about. Here is Charles Hugh Smith’s latest take on this, which I’ll just let speak for itself.

https://charleshughsmith.blogspot.com/2020/12/dreaming-of-christmas-without-stuff.html?m=1

Is The Election Drama A Distraction To Cover The Rapid Forced Deployment Of The COVID Vaccine Weapon?

I’m just going to throw the question out there. I’ve noticed over the last few days increased rumblings about deploying the latest (inadequately tested and thus potentially lethal) COVID vaccine, along with pronouncements from certain government officials (both U.S. and foreign) of its mandatory nature, with pronouncements of dire consequences for those who refuse the Mark of the Beast.

I will just say that if there’s any truth to these decrees, then the re-election of Donald Trump or the election of Joe Biden makes not one DAMNED bit of difference if both are onboard with this Satanic, dystopian police state move. I heard Trump make references a few months ago to plans to use the U.S. military to distribute the vaccine, although he has since stated that there is no intention to make it mandatory. If that is true, then why use the military to distribute it, pray tell? I sincerely hope and pray that this was a moment at which he had a Globalist Cabal gun, literally or figuratively, pointing at his or his family’s head and that the announcement was made under duress. Or, alternatively, it contained some sort of cryptic message intended for other players in the game, insiders, and that the true message was somehow opposite that which we Deplorables heard. If the man upon whom those of us fighting for freedom have pinned our hopes turns out to be a Cabal asset, a false leader who is simply playing “Good Cop” in the Globalist game of conquest, then the battle is about to turn a shade of desperate and ugly that none of us can imagine. I would like to think that it goes without saying that a campaign to force the Mark of The Beast upon us would be the last straw, one that no self-respecting human being will stand for, no matter what their political convictions. Certainly respect for one’s own life would lead one to stand up against a transparently murderou act of tyranny.

If it’s not already obvious, what I’m trying to say is that fighting against this forced vaccination campaign should be everyone’s number one priority. If one stands a good chance of being maimed or killed by a toxic vaccine that is forced into one’s body at gunpoint, what else could possibly be of higher priority than to prevent this from happening? I do hope that someone corners Trump and forces him to make a public declaration of his position on this – NOW, before we put him back in the Oval Office armed with more power and popular support than ever. Let us pray that God leads him to take the right one.

He WILL “Cross The Rubicon:” He Has No Other Choice

If you haven’t yet heard President Trump’s speech delivered yesterday (Wednesday, 12/2) to the nation about the election fraud, I highly recommend that you take some time to do so. It’s accessible here. Vox Day has also been kind enough to furnish a transcript.

Anyone who thought that President Trump was going to concede this election is going to be in for a very, very rude awakening after hearing this speech. As he makes clear, this issue is about much more than this election or his winning or losing it. It is about the integrity of our elections process, the law, and ultimately the survivability of the Republic. Frankly, as I’ve said many times before, it’s too late to save the USA. However, for those of us who want to see its founding ideals survive in some successor nation to arise out of its ashes, there is no way we can let this fraud succeed. There WILL be war. Indeed, it has already started; it simply has not yet reached the “hot” stage.

Regardless, President Trump will give the system one last chance to do what everyone within it knows is the only right and moral thing to do. If they refuse to do it, then he will have no choice but to invoke emergency powers, and God only knows how the Establishment will respond to that. Trump certainly knows that there is nothing left for him to do but go full-on warrior. The Deep State will not allow him to concede gracefully even if he chose to do so, and will surely go after him and his family with the full vindictive power of the Deep State. Our nation is irremediably broken and those of us who stand for God, Law and Order, and Freedom have no choice now but to come to the President’s defense. As they say in the ‘hood, “this shit’s about to get real!”

What “real” will look like in the next few days, weeks, months, and years is anyone’s guess, but one thing I will say without reservation is that every one of us will have no choice but to take a side. There will be no middle ground to stand on in this war The forces of evil are determined to extinguish the forces of good, and they will not go away willingly or gently. They will ultimately fail in their Satanic mission, as does every force that attempts to subvert God’s will, but the cost will be steep to all involved.

Let us continue to pray fervently for this nation and those who are fighting the good fight against the forces of Satan. May the Lord strengthen us to be His lights and His instruments in what is to come.

Has Anyone Else Noticed …

… the paucity of Christmas decorations in public so far this year? I don’t know if it’s a “local thing” here in the desert Southwest, but it’s after the first of December and almost NO retail stores have put up Christmas decorations of ANY kind. These are usually up well before Thanksgiving! To my knowledge and recollection, this is unprecedented.

Either the “War on Christmas” has gotten REALLY serious, or retailers know that, given the economic disaster that has been 2020, this Christmas is going to be one of the leanest years that retail has experienced since the depths of the last Great Depression and they’re not even pretending anymore that they have a prayer of making a year-end killing. I briefly thought that maybe the persistent COVIDIOCY had something to do with it, but even my conspiratorially tuned bizarrometer couldn’t make any sense of that idea.

Anyone out there have any theories?

“It Will Take A Revolution To Overthrow The Corrupt Establishment That Rules America”

Yes, of course it will, and it is appearing more and more likely with each passing day that the treasonous traitors that President Trump has been saddled with are going to make that inevitable.

While he has had an annoying tendency of late to join the doom-and-gloomers (it might be because his advancing age is simply sapping the fight out of him), Paul Craig Roberts calls it correctly here. Over the last few days alone we have seen the treachery through inaction of Trump’s oleaginous Attorney General, who, in the wake of the most blatantly criminal election fraud in the American nation’s history, has finally chosen now to shed his transparent skin suit and reveal himself to be the swamp creature we’ve all known him to be all along. Essentially declaring that federal election fraud “ain’t a thing. and the Justice Department’s problem no how,”, Barr has thrown down one gauntlet while using the other to slap his boss across the face. This is the very definition of the word M-O-R-O-N, as people who do this to Donald Trump tend to wind up suffering rather ugly fates for it. This time, Trump is not only going to eviscerate Barr, but the whole swampy Rethuglican Establishment – and the American people in massive numbers are either going to support him and prove themselves worthy of having him as their president, or are going to revert to form and prove themselves to be the spineless, brainless losers who will soon live under the tyrannical Marxist government their apathy warrants. We will soon see if they choose wisely. The nation has arrived at a crossroads that it cannot avoid navigating.

So yes, the quote from PCR that I’m using for the title of this post is absolutely accurate. Let’s see if the Amoricon sheeple have the guts to do what they have no choice but to do if they want a country worth living in (and if they want labels like “Amoricon sheeple” permanently removed as epithets). The 70 million-plus people who have voted for Donald Trump are now being made to realize that they cannot be passive actors in the events that are unfolding. Their president is under assault by the Establishment and he needs THEIR ACTIVE SUPPORT if he is to succeed.

We have all known that this moment was coming for many years, a moment when the evil Establishment that has been exercising ever tighter control over us, control that would never have been possible without our collective apathy, ignorance, laziness, and shortsightedness, would finally spit full force in our faces and declare war against us. We know that we must act NOW, that to let this fraud stand, to let these murderous criminals get away with their theft, depredation, and tyranny will be effectively signing our own death warrants. Civil War is not coming, folks – IT IS ALREADY HERE, and it is only a matter of days or weeks before it moves from the PSYOP phase to “hot war,” with lead flying and all the ugliness that entails. None of us will avoid it; the only question is how will each of us respond to it?

None of us know all the answers, or even many of the questions around what is about to go down. All I can urge at this point is prayer, prayer, more prayer, and reaching out to and uniting with those of like mind who want to see God, liberty, and our President prevail. The days of individualism and lone wolves are over.

May God help the President, and all of us in these dark days, weeks, and months ahead.

Another Hollyweird Celeb Swims Against The Cesspool Tide

Events like this are music to my ears and a balm to my soul in these ugly and dysfunctional times in which we live. Veteran actor Jon Voight has just released a heartfelt and urgent video in which he issues a dire warning about what awaits the USA should a Biden/Harris Administration come to pass. He also excoriates the Anti-Trump Left and all of their Marxist affiliates (ANTIFA, BLM, etc.) for the destruction that they have caused and saves some special and well-deserved rancor for Commiefornia’s loathsome governor, Gabbling Nuisance.

I never realized that Voight was a conservative (I wonder what his trainwreck of a daughter Angelina Jolie thinks of Dad’s video?). I’ll have to make a point of supporting him in whatever little ways I can that don’t simultaneously feed the Hollyweird Demons’ Den.

I urge everyone to watch (and download, if you’re able to) the linked video before Twatter takes it down.

Odds And Ends, Edition 1

I’ve been toying with this idea for a while, but I’ve decided to start a “tradition” (as if this blog has been around long enough to be able to have any such thing) of posting a collection of various current events, flashes of quotable commentary (profound or foolish) by noteworthy individuals, and simple observations of my own that I feel like sharing with my readership. It will follow no specific length, focus on no specific topics, and isn’t intended to do anything other than voice my personal take on various topics that don’t fit in neatly into any other category, or that are not deep or weighty enough to merit posts of their own. I’m inspired to do this by the weekly email I receive each Friday from Simon Black, owner and editor-in-chief of the Sovereign Man website (https://www.sovereignman.com) informally titled “Weekly Absurdities.” In these he brings the reader’s  attention to four or five random events from around the world each week that represent the most, absurd, illogical, economically and socially destructive, freedom-robbing events to take place during that particular week. While Odds and Ends won’t necessarily always focus on absurdity or outrage, it will, I hope, provide tasty food for thought. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy this first edition.

Germany Becomes Germany Again After 75 Years In Exile

Expecting Germans to not act like a hive of compliant, statist droids is like expecting a wolf to become vegan under conditions that are anything other than duress. After 75 years of pussification (politely, if inaccurately called “pacification” by the victorious allies after their defeat of the Nazi Regime and their subsequent conquest of Germany’s land and people), the atavistic true nature of the German is tearing away its faux democratic, freedom-embracing chains, with gracious assistance from the Globalist Cabal that hates Germany’s guts and wants to see it destroyed, by passing the “Infection Protection Act” (“Das Infektionsschutzgesetz” in German), which will protect Germany against the ravages of COVID-19 by returning Germany to its natural state: dictatorship.

No one who has spent any lengthy period of time in Germany and among Germans should be the least bit surprised at this development. Germany’s pretense at democratic government was never a convincing one, very much akin to a sumo wrestler strutting around in a ballerina’s tutu. I have to imagine that anyone visiting Germany during the post-World War I Weimer Republic era must have similarly thought “ain’t no way is this gonna last. Only the French and the Brits would be stupid enough to think that this kind of government would work in Germany.” Fortunately for the Soros-fronting Ferkel government (those conversant in German will understand the epithet), the demon-sent Chinese Flu has come along to undo everything that the old American puppet fuddy-duddy Konrad “Der Alte” Adenauer did in the wake of the Nazi regime’s fall:  namely, the skinsuiting of (initially just one half of) Germany with a constitutional federal republic. Now, with the “Soviet threat” to the Western world long gone (not that Germans themselves ever saw it as a threat. They love themselves some Kommunismus, it just has to be German flavored), and her U.S. puppet master under the control of the same (((Globalist))) paymasters she is, Ferkel can now use Chinese flu as a pretext to take off the last layer of kid gloves and rule like a real modern-day, liberated Führerin should.

Personally, I gave up on Germany and the Germans decades ago, and I never doubted that I would one day be vindicated in doing so. As far as I’m concerned Germany can do anything it wants to to its people inside its own borders, since there are about as many “Schlechte Deutscher” (bad Germans) today as there were between 1933 and 1945 who were willing to stand up to tyranny. While humanity in general has proven itself pretty much incapable of learning any lessons from history, some subgroups are especially hopeless at it. My only demand is that Deutschland keep its tyranny to itself. The rest of the world has more than enough domestic product to contend with without imports to worry about. For the full story see here: https://consentfactory.org/2020/11/22/the-germans-are-back/.

Fox News Is Not Only Duplicitous, But Stupid And Suicidal

Given that the name “Murdoch” is associated with its ownership, any observant person should have long ago abandoned any suspicions of either integrity or wisdom associating themselves with Fox News. Their election night betrayal of their base, a demographic already upset with the network’s pre-election conduct (Chris Wallace’s behavior during the first presidential candidates’ debate being the prime example) has resulted in abandonment of the network by massive portions of said base, sending its daytime ratings into the basement (CNN now out-rates it. CNfreakingN, for crying out loud!), and threatening its reed-thin lead in primetime ratings.  Much of the base has defected to Newsmax and One America News Network (OANN), two networks Fox  News arrogantly thought it could ignore up until about a month ago, as well as other non-woke, non-Deep State-controlled news outlets that are not yet ready to betray their bases for 30 pieces of political silver.

Apparently the well-deserved spanking by its base has put the network into a petulant mood. Rumors are circulating that the Fox News network is encouraging guests who make an appearance on the network to blacklist Newsmax. While the primary source of this assertion comes from Fox’s “competitor,” CNN, and could thus justifiably be taken with a grain of salt, such a sleazy and juvenile stunt would be perfectly in keeping with a network run by a family of con artists and staffed in the majority by mendacious, treacherous mediocrities.  It will be interesting to see if we get independent confirmation of this story from sources closer to Fox News, or from within the network itself.  See the full story here: https://www.breitbart.com/the-media/2020/11/27/nolte-report-claims-fox-news-is-blacklisting-guests-who-appear-on-newsmax-tv/.

Well, I guess that’s it for the inaugural edition. I’ll be prospecting for new sources for next week’s edition, there no doubt being a potentially inexhaustible supply.

25 Fun Things To Do On Thanksgiving Day

For my fellow American readers, a little “holiday humor” to go with your Thanksgiving Day feast:

25. Announce that you’re starting a new family tradition and proceed to take your clothes off at the dinner table.

24. At about the 2-hour mark, open the oven door and start pouring Jim Beam (or Jack Daniels, if you prefer) over the turkey to baste it. Tell Mom/Grandma/your wife that it “adds the coolest flavor.”

23. During dinner conversation turn suddenly to a random person at the table, look at them sternly, and scold them loudly saying “We DO NOT talk about death at the dinner table in this house!” Then just as quickly resume eating or conversing as if you had never said anything.

22. After showing up at your host’s house, tell them that your date for the evening will be arriving later, as he/she has to check in with his/her parole officer first.

21. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

20. After soaking a napkin in turkey gravy, simulate blowing your nose, letting the gravy drip onto the food on your plate. Start eating ravenously.

19. Hold your nose while you eat. Make soft gagging noises after every second or third forkful.

18. During dinner expound on the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at commercial turkey farms. Emphasize the negative health and sanitation aspects of these places.

17. As the meal winds down, turn to Mom/Grandma/your wife and say, “See? I told you they wouldn’t notice. You were all worried about nothing!”

16. Load your plate up high, then take it into the kitchen, toss it all into the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Tell everyone that you have a phobia of choking and that’s why you always liquify your food.

15. Insist on sitting at “the kids’ table” because it’s more fun. Be especially insistent if there is no kids’ table.

14. Come to the dinner table dressed in a toga.

13. Midway though the meal, excuse yourself from the table. Go into the kitchen and make loud gagging, retching sounds that no one in the house can avoid hearing. Return to the table and apologize, blaming it on “nervous stomach whenever I eat in public.”

12. Observe out loud during dinner how much the stuffing and gravy resemble the contents of Uncle Ed’s colostomy bag.

11. When giving the “Thanksgiving blessing”, be sure to express in no uncertain terms how VERY thankful you are that you only have to eat at the same table with your in-laws once or twice each year.

10. Turn the topic of dinner conversation toward recognizing early symptoms of food poisoning. Demonstrate these symptoms, reasoning that “you could save a loved one’s life.”

9. Insist on having paper bags wrapped around the wine bottles at the table.

8. When bringing the turkey from the kitchen into the dining room, enter the dining room dressed only in a thong and nipple pasties.

7. Before everyone begins eating, announce forcefully that both turkey legs are yours. Place a loaded revolver on the table in front of your plate to show that you mean business.

6. Call the local Savation Army rescue mission and ask if the residents are enjoying the Rahmen noodles, Spam, canned sauerkraut, and fruit cocktail that you donated for their Thanksgiving dinner.

5. Start a food fight at the table.

4. After dinner, present each of your guests with an itemized bill for the meal, making sure to add a 15 percent gratuity.

3. Challenge your brother-in-law to a belching contest after dinner and before dessert. Ask someone else at the table to judge volume, tone, duration, and “viscosity.”

2. Drink copious quantities of wine, washing each forkful of food down with at least half a glass. At the same time, sip out of your water glass sparingly, ensuring that it’s never more than half empty.

And finally, the number one way to have fun on Thanksgiving Day:

1. Call the local Salvation Army rescue mission and tell them that you’ve prepared a massive feast that you and your family couldn’t possibly eat all by yourselves. Tell them you can feed at least twenty-five hungry and homeless people if the Salvation Army can bring them over to you. Then give them directions to your obnoxious next-door neighbor’s house.

BUT SERIOUSLY, I WOULD LIKE TO WISH EVERYONE A SAFE, HAPPY, AND BLESSED HOLIDAY IN WHICH WE THANK THE LORD FOR EVERYTHING WITH WHICH HE HAS BLESSED US. BLESSINGS TO EACH OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES, AND ENJOY THE HOLIDAY!

It Seems We Really Haven’t Learned Anything

An annual reminder of the deadly perils of Communism, and Colonial America’s catastrophically failed experiment with it. We really do seem unable to stop repeating history:

Didn’t We Learn This Lesson 400 Years Ago?